When we first met... in that cold december

I shivered in my blue Cashmere pullover

Yes! The one with exact shade of my eyes

n how we instantly felt those strong vibes

Do you remember

The way we waited to catch a glimpse

Time stood still, the world in an eclipse

And when we met our eyes were locked

choking with emotions the mind was blocked

Do you remember

That lonely night sitting by the bonfire

Your face was a perfect picture of desire

Your slow love song stroking the guitar

being so close to you was no longer bizarre

I am sure you remember

The way we lay in each others arms

My long fingers played with your palms

flames gave that amber glow to your face

warmth of the fire n our bonding embrace

World in that moment....lost its trace..

Screaming orange sets the stage

Adamant black's elated to ravage

So vivid. aching for a rampage

Coupled with others of its kind

what follows blows my mind

emotions caged and put behind

sheer arrogance heaving with pride

On the pyre so wild, yet hollow

Angry movements, ready to swallow

world appears oh! so shallow

unmoved by anyone's sorrow

Equal treatment, stale or fresh

half chewed bones and undigested flesh

engulfing all gawky or dainty

need woods to feed..was that not plenty?

I know this (funeral) isn't a rosy subject so I am not surprised that so many of my frnz are complaining why did I write something like this....I consider it to be an acheivement even if it upsets the reader. That to me means that I have managed to depict my subject as vividly as I precieved it and nothing can be more complimenting, than a creative piece evoking the same feelings in the writer as well as the reader.

I knew before posting that this was grose! Lets see what makes - Flame Part 3!!

Elegant dance in a candle
watch me move n I can heal
my warm reflection in ur eyes
relax n relish, this moment is a steal

Hearty soul on the outer
mightily protecting
the inner one so tender
lost in each other's warmth
Complete Surrender!

As I slightly opened my eyes, I saw you again
my excitement was hard to contain
such well crafted persona, and face so youthful
your passionate eyes held me close and
made me feel so beautiful.

Your admiring gaze touched me,
caressing my very soul.
shivering with the attention,
I was conceding you could see,
before I knew.. you had taken control.

I donno when I landed in your arms
your hand on my waist n we forgot the steps,
I swirled like a doll in your hands,
dancing in your eternal depths,
I fell for your charms.

Love lost measure of time,
I kept feeling your breath under mine.
numb feet were not yet dead,
for with you and without words,
I had drifted miles ahead.

Something in the way ,
you looked at me tonight,
ignited flames of passion but,
before I came back to senses
You had kissed me good-night..

I couldn't put feelings into words
n you chose not to understand silence

I looked deep into your eyes
knowing at least they would convey
but ,you couldn't care less
n chose to look away

I was trying to play it cool
till those eyes began to fool
I didn't want to admit either and
wanted to run away but
turning tearful red they gave it all away

Shooting came the pain
with fire I could not tame
afterall all these emotions
were only a game
I was going insane

I began to feel tiny drops of water
softly trickling one by one
soothing the heat of hurt
comforting the passion
stroking the frustration

I sealed those burning eyes
and lay lifeless till eternity
floating in the clouds
which still looked so grey

Not able to hold back..choking
I allowed them to flow
if only to flush the pain away
One day you will learn
to listen to my silence
is all I can say..

Note: This is again inspired by the mood that I got into.. listening to a senti gazal not anything else ;)

I went for the check-in and the girl on the counter kept fussing over the extra 1.2 kilos (Indians are so accommodating..I was almost beaming with pride) but the airline crew was wonderful and so was everything about the flight. I knew the Brits were being oversensitive in their judgment of Austrians. This is what international politics at the ground level or may be underground level!

I switched my music on and as the plane took off and the glowing restricting signs went off I reclined my seat and .and.it bounced back to upright!!! Gosh! There is some problem with the springs.I should not have left my High Commission job, they gave us business class tickets..anyways I made another attempt to recline it and it bounced right back with a thud this time. I wasn't sure if I heard some screams along with. Naturally I was horrified with the mixed thoughts of springs, business class, Austrians and with my music yelling in my ears by then. I didn't know which issue was to be addressed first so I just sat there thinking..policy people always spend time in planning first!

I switched my music off, then took the seatbelt off and then tried again with all my strength and this time I knew it wasn't hallucination.. it indeed was someone screaming so loud that nearly everyone was looking at me with hatred. But..but..what the hell did I do I am only trying to sit comfortably. Then I realized behind me was a old couple (Austrian!) must have been in their 80s. Every time I had attempted reclining the 'not so gracious' old lady was pushing it right back (and she was so much stronger than me man!! What chakki ka atta do they eat?? ) she was also yelling at me that I am not meant to recline and why the hell I want to do it when no one else is..claiming this is a very lazy generation, can't you see there is not enough room, you are so bloody arrogant etc etc. I made the cutest possible face and asked her if she was talking to me but that only made her eyes light with fire (conclusion - I don't look cute when I make a cute face ) Not giving me even a chance to speak.

So , I sat down once again calming myself down thinking of Gandhiji, tolerance, patience and those other virtues whatever they were and as a result I was looking at her and listening then with all my might I signaled her to stop and she did! I told her - Maam if you speak softly I am more likely to understand as I only understand very limited English (haha!) I spoke with a typical accent too. She got confused and started speaking even faster. By then I was enjoying it too and I turned and said 'for your information this is the way seats are in economy all across the globe'. This was the last straw and she said 'you bloody Indian' I will report you and called the crew who obviously explained that it was my right to recline and I can't be expected to sit upright for next 9 hours. Guess what was her next question to the crew - You should have similar system in my seat as well then..crew showed her how to do it and she was a mixture of embarrassment, hatred, anger and what not!

This was my time- I turned back and told her that if you are having your meal please let me know and I will move my seat and also we bloody Indians are very courteous and considerate, had you asked me politely and explained your inconvenience, considering your age I wouldn't even mind sitting upright for 9 hrs or atleast would have helped you with your reclining questionnaire. If and only if you knew how to ask!

Lesson learnt - eat properly and be strong enough not to get pushed by anyone. Jai Malleshwari

Pampering myself with my usual
hot chocolate right in the morning
getting on with my hectic social life
of course! today it was virtual

It was a sunny day not too warm
I was lazing in the sun
on exotic green grass lying with my book
favorite music only added to the charm

Brilliant feeling with the chirping birds
slight cold breeze touching the Thames
teased me by turning my book's page
with flowers it played old games

A two year old came to me, I smiled
but she was only giggling
at her reflection in my goggles
Oh! how I wished I could again be a child

I came back, when the sun was gone
admiring the changing shades of clouds
which the leaving sun had drawn
sliver night was about to be born

Back in my room I lost my senses
to the lovely piano tunes
coming from the neighborhood
Ah! It feels so good

I hear myself utter
Could life be better?

Everything around has your trace
from the wide open sports magazine to
that half finished can of coke
I still hold my breath feeling ur warm embrace
light touch of ur fingers ready to stroke
Only thing missing is your face

I always knew letting u go wouldn't be easy
but didn't think it would be so hard
I have tried every trick to keep myself busy
but you are only haunting me more
my emotions now are going off-guard
It hurts to the core

I am ready to say sorry n do all that it takes
I need you back in my life at any cost
I won't let it break, come back for my sake
We still have lots at stake
Waiting for your phone call
I am still lying wide -awake..

ok! ok! this is only a poem frns not my current state of mind :) the only 'connection ' is in the last line :D

I have been so close..ah! So close to sinking in the deep sea of faint unconscious world.. drowning away bit by bit. I still clearly remember the smell..smell of death with the traffic lights buzzing or were those the monitors attached to me, beeping and screaming for attention..not sure..

I was laughing and pulling pranks just minutes before reciting one of my fun -poems for my boss's farewell on the lines:

His desk has piles of papers everywhere
U can't miss the struggle of that shy piece of wood
Trying to peep from somewhere
But amazingly enough! He always knew
What was sitting where

He loves animals and it showed on his ties
From red elephants to pink butterflies
He comes over looking for stamps
Hope by now he has one from
every country ,on the world map

Very passionate about whatever he does
even from holidays his calls were a must
at times we wished his blackberry would die
Only if we knew it would be so difficult
To wish him good-bye

and now..here I was in the resuscitation unit stuggling for life. No! I wasn't scared of death - not because I am bold but only because I didn't know what dying feels like. Only gasping for breath.. I just wanted to be able to breathe normal and nothing else mattered - not being able to open my eyes or not feeling the incessant pricking of needles or the pressure in the doctors voices or the warmth of streaming blood.. nothing mattered..only breathing did.

Finally after what seemed to be minutes without any peripheries or dimensions, my friend lightened her grip on my hands, grateful that she will not have to worry about doing my last rites now :). They told me that I had died a brief death but I smiled for I could breathe again and I think that I am back again - for good!

Kush was right, I shud perhaps explain more - I had world's worst asthama attack and nearly lost it my vital signs had dropped by 95% ..spent last three days in the ICU. But, am feeling all pampered rite now as my friends came in with lots n lots of chocolates n flowers n a big miss u +get well soon card with cutest messages scribbled all over. Just what I needed :)

The next stage shud b shoppin - retail therapy works when everything else fails :)

added on 4 april :(

I hate my doc who has confined me to home for another six days...I wanna go n watch a movie wid friends but they are all on his side...dost dost naa rahe....aaaaaaa.....for a change 'I am even missing office' ye to wahi haal ho gaya jo board exams mein tv ka hota tha ' I told mom tht let my exams finish I will watch even 'krishi darshan' then'!! get me outuv here yaar! koi to bachao...

My bhai! One mahaan character!! I had to write about him..

He at 4 - was the cutest kid wid curly hair. I scolded him and he went and stood at the other end of the bed facing the wall. I was feeling bad and was full of remorse. So me the kind hearted sis decides to make it up..crawl up to him and turn his face towards me with an affectionate smile and gosh! He was collecting saliva all this while and spat right on my face. Obviously I cant remember how many times I slapped him after that.grrrrrrrrrrrrrr..he was stronger tho L

He at 8 - My best mate, I always confided in him. I had secretly borrowed my cousin's 'payal' despite mommy's objections. Wore it after school and was flaunting it off to friends when I noticed one of them was missing..I was terrified of the scolding. Bhai promised to come with me to the jweller and offered to give away his pocket money to help me place the order..as if we got to that stage!! Obviously mom found out before we could execute our plan but thanks to him for standing by my side on that day.

He at 12 - He was excellent in sports and GK and everything and oh! So meek. He refused to play with me (haha! I scared him u see) well! Not really.. Be it chess or carrom every time I was about to lose .I overturned the board and walked off with my head held high! .afterall I am not expected to lose a game am I? He accepted defeat I guess and stopped facing the challenge of playing with meeee!

He at 14 - I was standing in front of a shop admiring a nice pair of high heels (again a no! no! at home) and he came and held my hands and said, I will buy that for you once I start earning. Sincerest offer any man ever made to me J I felt truly blessed ...like every other man - he never fulfilled it! Huh!

He at 18 - We were in the basement of a shopping mall and bhai is upset!! Says - Y the hell are you wearing your noisy shoes, I hate them coz the heels go 'khat' 'khat' and everyone turns and looks at you. Go and buy yourself a honorable pair of sandals , I will talk to mom about this (wattttt??) on the same day he made another comment - don't ever wear that lipstick, u look silly! Grrrr!!( but, it had such an impact on me that till date only weddings qualify as a 'valid occasion' to wear lipsticks) Kajal in my beautiful eyes reminded him of Phoolan devi!

He at 20 - Calling me up at midnight..u know sis! I was looking into the mirror and I realized oh god! I am sooo handsome. U r so lucky to have a brother like me - just thank your stars. BTW I am bringing my next girlfriend home - just manage the situation at home. Ok!!!

He at 24 - No one loves me or thinks of me.afterall I am a grown up man now.you should be looking to get me married now. No one takes me seriously in this house! C'mon get your act together, you have a responsibility now - to get me married !!

Now 26 - He is in Merchant Navy and a dashing young man! (touchwood!!) You actually thought he would wait for me or any of us to find him a gal ?? Ofcourse he did the honors himself - my grown up bro who is still such a kid that he wants a present from me and my sis on Rakhi before we get ours from him (I bought hime a pair of shoes as Rakhi gift last year n he was so happy - obviously parents didn't)!

He speaks fluent jatt bhasha much to my embarrassment specially for the venues he choses to flaunt it - multinational banks! Flights! Flashy malls or wherever he feels I am trying to impress people!! The moment he spots me being particularly stylish (waise to I am always stylish) he would start off loud and clear - ke batt se chori kane style maran laag re hai?? Gosh! What a brother.

May god give him a long long life laced with all the happiness always J